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Both Girls

by Both Girls

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1.
canvasses stretching out into the distance as white as the winter in me dreaming of color and texture and shape an alternate reality hung in a gallery opening night all the critics have nothing to see still they go on and on about how less is more the ultimate economy but i walk out i'm walking out cause i'm tired underneath icicles caught between states they can't decide which way to be i see a reflection stare back in the mirror but who is that looking at me with bags under eyes all glazed over and glassy the sadness is all that i see oh spark of ignition i carry be born and grow like a garden in me cause i'm burned out i'm burning out again the cracks on the surface stretch out into spiderwebs and cover the face of the screen they turn into pieces of puzzles that shatter a curious kind of machine i wake up and wonder why i get so angry when something gets broke in my dream oh spirit of charity open my hands i don't want to keep anything but i hold on i'm holding on again
2.
slow fade back to the scene of the crime you still walk the streets but you're doing the hardest kind of time duck down the alleyway out of sight dive under cover of deepest night in the darkness they can't see you anymore and now my lips are forming words that my heart has been shouting for as long as i remember and i can't remember the last time i felt this scared and though my voice is barely heard the broken sounds are escaping, i am bracing for the bullets that i know i cannot evade i just lay here waiting for the train breathe deep, you reach for the bottle again when everything is spinning you don't have to let me in so drink it down to the bottom and hit the floor climb in the closet and lock the door in the morning i won't be here anymore how can you run from your shadow? say that the sun doesn't shine everything's always tomorrow but i'm gonna say this tonight
3.
skeletal 03:35
skeletal the skeletal remains of who we were exhumed from a shallow grave would you whisper if there's something that you want to say the tickle in my ear an answer in a word from another age that everyone who's ever been is just the same and history is not an upward sloping line but it's a spiral moving up and down and in and out like electrons hopping valences and meaning is a label easily assigned but soon forgotten cause when we die our words trade places and spin stories of their own so we chase the wind but it blows away again the faces in the crowd all staring back bleed into a sea of grey does anyone have something that they'd like to say? our moment in the sun is fading fast so speak up, tell me anything maybe you could be the one to teach me how to sing you say that life is not a sequence programmed from the sky but it's a story woven up and down and in and out like the stitches in a hem and meaning is a ghost that hides between the lines and in the margins so in the end our words are carried by another set of arms from the dust we come, to the dust we go and the space between where the garden grows is a mystery that no one will know again and who can say which way the wind is gonna blow? all the liars try to tell you that they know spinning stories smooth as silk into a web turn around and switch the ending up again so we chase the wind and it blows away again
4.
abra 03:33
there he was standing there at the foot of the stair with his head hung low as she observed from a perch high above at the edge of a picture window and the thing was decided; she'd made up her mind but he did not know so she waited awhile and smiled to herself as he turned to go she said "i'm gonna chase him down" she said" i'm gonna turn him back around" there he was walking home, all confounded, alone with his head hung low he was cursing himself for allowing the flower to bloom and grow she was good, he was bad, that was it that was all that there was to know why would he entertain silly thoughts of a thing he could never know he said "i'd only bring her down, and she'll do better without me around" then she stepped out of nowhere with a finger raised she said "shut up and listen closely to every word i have to say / you're the one i've wanted from the moment i first realized the world was colored shades of grey / not covered up in black and white and you are good and you are bad like every man i've ever known and i think i'm in love with you i'm not afraid to tell you so" "and now you know"
5.
i am at a loss, i am out of breath i'm climbing up the walls and falling to my death it's bitter to the taste to wake up with the sunrise everything i have is nothing i can keep it's heavy like a weight i crumble underneath my head is like a bank of screaming static screens looking for a line that i can't follow echo back, the room is dead everything i know sounds thin and hollow running through my aching head everyone i know is saying something but i don't really want to hear maybe if they'd shut their mouths the silence would finally start to come in clear i am at a loss, i am on the wall i'd rather go around, afraid i'm gonna fall but it stretches out as far as any man can see everything i love is nothing i can keep the demons hear the sound and gather underneath they shudder at the thought that anyone is free looking for a line to pull me higher staring at the midnight stars climbing every rung of jacob's ladder up into the deepest dark i can hear the sound of angels singing i can hear them overhead i don't know if i'm awake or dreaming for all i know i might be dead looking for a line that spans the ages searching for a common thread sewn into the binding of the pages i'm turning over in my head i wrestle with a man without a face and whisper in the ocean's ear underneath the sun i'll make my case and when it falls i'll disappear
6.
ekg 05:39
shooting pain in shoulder sudden loss of breath panicked palpitations pulsing through the chest polaroid explosion passing through the brain images familiar strung out like a chain you go weak in the knees like a drunk at the end of the night you can see but the people and places are multiplied or divided depends on the day as you lie on the floor looking up at the lights every thought that you keep at the back of your mind rushes forward demanding a turn to address center stage EKG is dancing monitor alarmed suddenly surrounded octopus of arms field of vision narrowing tunnel into space electric intervention startle back awake now you're conscious enough to believe you came back from the other side bits and pieces of pixels burned in your mind but the picture is too hard to see like an island of blue in a white static haze re-encrypted in code buried deep in a maze broken memories of meaning are all that remain but it's enough well i can hear sirens singing songs coming closer all the time i see the colors kaleidoscopic lights they turn around and again penetrate the night and i can hear voices in my head spin a silent thread it pulls itself apart and unites again my broken record brain sewing circle shapes i'm floating like a stone into outer space i open up my eyes and i'm seeing stars a needle in a vein filling up my arm the curtains pulling back man in uniform am i ghost? am i being born again?
7.
bluejay 02:55
you're the bluejay sitting on my windowsill and i don't want to scare you but i probably will cause i'm chasing rabbits with my hatchet swinging honey, please don't fly away now, please keep singing me your song sing your song if i kill those rabbits i'll come back outside with a blood stained hatchet swinging at my side walk into the river with you on my shoulder am i getting stronger as i'm growing older? i don't know i hope so but as the dust cloud settles and the wind dies down i'm still chasing rabbits all across this town like a wild-eyed animal afraid of everything i've never seen never seen that i've never seen is it all a dream? like a blind man carrying a loaded gun say i'll count to seven but i fire on one all the bullets ricochet and riddle nothing i've been running ragged all this shadow boxing takes its toll it takes a toll
8.
relocation 04:30
you were born inside a bubble with three doctors, seven nurses standing round just in case and they all said hello as they wrapped you up in blankets blue and told you you were beautiful, you frowned like you already knew that there was something in the water here that made you want to disappear relocation not an option can't put yourself up for adoption you grew up outside the city, picket fences, pretty people all around and they all said hello and on summer days days in swimming pools you wondered what would happen if you drowned i think you already knew that there was something in the water here that made you want to disappear set in motion a chain reaction but nothing ever really happens you say deliver me from evil in a room without a window shiny people read the principles aloud with faces all aglow but their voices ping mechanical and monotone a hollow kind of sound i think you already knew that there was something they weren't telling you a distorted point of view poison dripping from their tongues and leeches living in their lungs good intentions gone to shit a demonic power trip get me out of all of this is it pointless to resist? deliver me from evil will i become a part of the devils i see, assimilated into their devious strategies? tentacles stretch out menacing over me is there a way out? will i be history?
9.
inkbleed 03:05
inkbleed chart a course out to sea quiet waters carry me fall apart like a tree bending backwards on the beach i hear the wind talk back when the hurricane tries to pull her into the spin she says "i'm only gonna tell you one more time, don't bother me again" but you know a hurricane does what a hurricane does, it swallows everything and she will drown inside the spinning wheel chart a course out to sea quiet waters carry me and when the deep calls to deep will you answer, will you sleep? and like a derrick perched on a burned out rig in the gulf of mexico you watch the ink bleed out of a broken pen a mile down below a crude black cloud invades the blue it colors everything like the bruises on your skin that never heal they remind you of the darkest matter done in charcoal on a faded yellow piece of paper crumpled in a corner smooth the creases and you die all over chart a course out to sea quiet waters carry me fall apart like a tree bending backwards on the beach
10.
buoyancy 02:55
seven stories up i can see a shadow playing on a wall it's a copycat that matches every move that i make so perfectly spring is in the air and the moon's a sickle swinging through the sky like a pendulum suspended from a point outside our galaxy swimming on the glass are a thousand colors born out of the lights though they have no mother bend into a blur as we turn the corner meet us on the other side people that we meet offer up a smile they wear it well though it's not the style maybe they forgot to put on their apathy for just one night let's not look down at the street below pray this buoyancy will never go away coffee and a book at a corner table bottom of the cup with a corporate label drink it to the dregs and you'll die like socrates out into the night like a pack of wolves recaffeinated minds make a manic move we're dancing to a tune that no one can hear but you and me enter at the base of the tallest tower elevator up nearly half an hour we're smaller than we thought we were and that's ok out onto the deck sip a glass of wine the city is asleep but it doesn't mind us watching as it breathes and dreams of better days for just one night let's not look down at the street below we'll pray this buoyancy will never go away
11.
scatter 02:24
days are numbered, scarcely few squares remaining i know should move but i sit staring at the disappearing sun light penetrates the gloom, burning slowly i am not alone but i am stranded in this skin that holds me a cell without a solid wall reining it in could spill over like a waterfall into an endless ocean all together, up and over the dam the glass will fall and shatter and scatter the sand scatter the sand everything i love is gone it died before the break of dawn now i'm lying in a state of near suspended animation but underneath a starry sky i'm wondering if i could try again and summoning the strength to just start going through the motions the magical in the mundane it's a miracle we never name invisible until it turns into a resurrection now i'm running at the break of dawn though i'm tired and the night is long i'm waiting for the sun to crawl back over the horizon
12.
ohio is an island in the middle of the sea and winter is a blanket you can curl up underneath it's almost hibernation, it's kind of like a cave an island with no beaches and a shoreline without waves distance is the spyglass that i point across the sea perspective is the language that i'd like to learn to speak we're working out solutions to equations we can't read we recognize the symbols but we don't know what they mean so would you promise me you'll tell me if you run across the key to the door between our bedrooms that blows open in the breeze i don't know if i can stay here but i don't know if i should leave am i running from a ghost or am i caught in the machine? a pattern is the presence of a reoccurring shape a circle is a line that turns around and never breaks a plane without a runway with no fuel in the tank plummets toward the city like a stone into a lake but if you lay down in the hudson on a january day the fuselage will burn but you'll be watching from the bank as you recollect the nightmare in the morning when you wake do you recognize a pattern? do you shudder at the shape? tonight i'm sewing my eyes open with a needle and a length of thread and i'll try to keep my distance lying six feet from your bed i know that it's not easy watching dawn wake up again when you've been blacking out the windows to keep the light from coming in cause when it comes it brings you comfort and when it goes it brings you pain you thought if you could stomp it out then maybe you'd feel sane but you can hear it in the distance you still see it in your dreams it's written on your back and it will never let you be you can hear it in the distance you can see it in your dreams it's written on your back and it will never let you be

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released April 1, 2011

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Both Girls Columbus, Ohio

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